End of 2018, my New Years Letter for 2019

My 2018:

I'll not tease the summation of my 2018. 2018 was probably the worst year of my life. Without going into too much detail, it was the worst year in terms of physical and metal health for me. Many of my relationships suffered, and it wasn't always my fault. I treated my wife worse than I should have a times, due to my own mental anguish. I lost much of my will to live, which is nothing new to me, but this year it seemed to compile with my other problems. And I experienced some of the worst betrayal I've ever experienced by people who I thought were friends. I don't have many friends (on purpose), so when I am betrayed by one, it feels like a big deal.

It wasn't all bad. We moved out of a terrible neighborhood and into a great one. We moved out of a money pit of a house and into a really good one. Our medical careers are doing just fine. I wrote many new songs. I released my first musical album under my band name "Seth Jones and The Upward". I also must say that 2018 turned around for the better. Maybe not a full 180 degree turn, but something close to that. My marriage is better than ever, my health is good and improving, and I found some level of peace with my music.


Some things I learned or confirmed from 2018:


1. There are a lot of really bad people on the internet who are convincing each other that their actions are good. The most recent example, and the moment that spawned an epiphany for me, was a big, long, drawn out Twitter war between a lady and a relatively famous musician. Neither party was without flaws in this dispute, but I will focus on the artist who has been complimented by many on how good of a guy he is and how mature he has gotten over the years. This man was insulting people's AGE. "Geriatric f*ck" was one of many insults hurled by this would-be paragon of the music world. His fans were catapulting similar insults involving heart attacks, heart medications, erectile dysfunction, and "old balls". The artist was supporting these insults and using his fan base to pound another person into submission. Again; There are some very smart, learned writers who have called this man "much matured" and given him wild praise for his personal growth.

People choose sides. Once people choose a side on the internet, they ignore right and wrong and go straight to winning and losing. I don't know if this artist is consistently a bad person, but he is a bad person on the internet. And, as we all know, if you're saying it on the internet, you're saying it in real life. Everyone makes mistakes. I make mistakes. However, I do NOT want to make the mistake of being a terrible person on the internet and, instead of realizing what is happening, seeking support from other terrible people to make me feel better about my behavior. This is self-destructive and it makes people's lives worse. Not only do I want to avoid making people's lives worse, but I'd honestly like to avoid being negative in any way whatsoever. Again, I make mistakes too. I am just glad to be aware of what is happening online so that I can do my best to avoid these destructive conflicts. Honestly, I believe the best way to handle harassment from bad people online is to ignore them. You can't legally stop them from harassing you, I don't think, and they are a waste of your time anyway. Make someone else feel good instead of wasting your time trying to fuel someone's hatred.

2. The pursuit of going viral is a waste of my time. I've posted extremely high quality content on the internet only to be completely ignored. I often see the absolute dumbest and most time wasting content go viral. So what should I do? Also post dumb, time wasting content? No. I feel like I'd be playing the lottery where the 1 in a Billion grand prize would only be a handful of new followers who probably will never give true support to you anyway. After all, they didn't follow you for YOU, they followed you for some dumb sentence about whatever the most popular Netflix movie is right now. Post quality content for the small group of people who genuinely like your content. That's it. Those few people who appreciate and enjoy what you have to say will be grateful. Maybe you'll help them with your content. Maybe they'll support you long term since you give them something more than empty, recycled memes.

3. My music is for me. Making music specifically for other people is a foolhardy practice. I will not enjoy it, which means I'm essentially setting myself up for disappointment. Also, there are thousands of people making music specifically for profit, and much of their music is generic and bland. As much as I'd enjoy getting a million dollars a year for my music, I honestly don't think I'd enjoy making that money while also destroying the one hobby that I truly love. I can make money another way. Writing songs is my escape from the grind. I do have goals and many of them would be easier to achieve if I cheapened my music or otherwise conformed in some ways, but achieving these goals with that method would make the goals seem empty and not worth achieving in the first place.

4. You should give a little trust to many, you should give all your trust to few. You have to trust your coworkers to do their jobs while you do yours. This is how an organization functions. You do NOT have to tell your coworkers your deepest darkest secrets. They can and will betray your trust. I used coworkers simply as an example. Acquaintances, buddies, people you see several times a week, these are people you should give a little trust to. For example, you trust that they won't kill you or rob you. You do NOT trust them in the way that you should trust your spouse or your best, closest friends. In fact, as I said earlier, I had one of my FEW close friends betray my trust this year. I honestly don't feel wrong for this either. I do think you should trust your closest friends. But even your closest friends shouldn't have ALL of your trust. This is not a negative lesson learned though. The flipside  of it is this; When you know for a fact that you can trust someone to never betray you and who will always want the best for you, you should appreciate that person more than anything in the world. Those people are so much more rare than you can possibly imagine. Treat those people right. Help them. Pretend that the bad in their life is the bad in YOUR life and work to fix their problems. You don't want to lose these people. There are over 6 BILLION people on Earth and you can trust four of them? Or three? Or two? Or ONE? Don't take them for granted. These people are miracles.

5. Haters have no power over me. I had two people this year go out of their way to tell me that my music sucked. And guess what? Neither of them had listened to my music. Then why did they say it sucked? Haters are illogical. They aren't giving valid opinions. In fact, they typically have zero substance whatsoever. Haters simply want to bring you down by any means necessary. They believe you have something good going for you, and since they do not like their own lives, they believe that if they can make you sad, they will even the playing field a bit. A hater wants everyone else to be as sad as them. They believe in lowering others to create the illusion of growth in their own lives. As soon as you understand this about haters, their words are extremely hollow. Someone saying your music sucks doesn't make your music suck in any way at all. All it does is make that person an asshole in public. So who really lost the exchange? You or the hater? You hater lost. The hater will lose every time. The hater will lose every single day because haters are, in fact, losers. The best way to handle a hater is to either ignore them, or thank them for the laugh. These people are truly sad folks and you're only wasting your time by truly engaging with them. There are other people worth your time.

6. I will never be truly happy. If I wrote down the things that I have going for me and read it out loud to the average American, they'd assume my life is very good. It isn't. Mentally, I am never satisfied with my earnings, my body, my voice, my progress relative to my age, my car, my home, the support I get, the rewards for my efforts, etc. I am never satisfied. If I made 500,000 dollars a year, I'd say "Yeah but this billionaire makes 500 million a year". If I was a strong, healthy 6'4' 250 lbs, I'd say "Yeah but look at this Hollywood actor". Does it matter that the billionaire is gaming the system? No, he still makes more money. Does it matter that the actor takes steroids and I don't? No, he still look better than me. I will ALWAYS compare myself to those who have more. It's who I am. Hopefully, I can use this fact to drive me forward. Oftentimes, however, it leads to frustration, and sometimes depression. This is why motivational techniques and disciplined behaviors are so important to me.

GOALS FOR 2019:

1. A big goal for me is to be more efficient with social media. I want to use it more in a beneficial sense and not as much as the main platform where I give access to myself. I want to be less digital and more physical. I don't to "internet less", but to internet BETTER and with more focused purpose. I don't want to be the guy in the still picture. I want to be the voice on the phone or the man you meet at an event. Social media is supposed to lead to these things. I'm not supposed to gain a follower and then stop.

2. Becoming more efficient at recording my songs is important to me as well. I spent too much money recording in 2018. I thoroughly enjoyed the recordings and the time spent with my musical friends, but this is not sustainable long term. I plan to find someone locally who wants to create a makeshift studio. I will help fund the studio and also pay them fair wages for their work. I will record in an efficient style as well. I don't need to hire an orchestra.. My songs are melodically and lyrically driven. I can deliver those things for free.

3. Stay keen in my career knowledge. I remember plenty about physiology and kinesiology, but I've forgotten plenty as well. I simply need to break out my textbooks and read a little each day.

4. Be more social. I am not a social person. I am introverted (although people don't believe me because I'm good at parties). I am pretty misanthropic at times. I am not a big fan of people. I truly believe that I'm one of the best people on Earth in terms if kindness and loyalty, and I am disappointed in dozens of people every single day. I need to be more willing to brush off the bad folks and continue forth so that I can find more good ones. I can't let the piles of rubbish prevent me from entering the castles.

5. Pursue my hobbies with more vigor. I get discouraged very easily. I use my natural abilities to create something truly unique and special, 500 people see it, three people seem to kind of care. This is devastating for an artist. It really, really sucks. I need to focus on the few people who care. I need to let them fuel me, rather than let the other people bring me down. I understand that some people like what I share, but they don't think you let me know, or click the Like button, or share my creations. I get that. I need to focus on my supporters, not my ignorers or haters.

These goals are kind of wide open. Notice my goals aren't "Win a Grammy" or "Release 3 albums" or "Earn 85K by November". I will write down specific goals, but at this time, I want  to write down broad goals, in order to set me on proper paths.

CONCLUSION:

2018 was terrible, but it ended well, and that's a positive thing to take into 2019. Whenever a year ends, it's gone. You can't go back to that year and change anything. Your regrets stay. You can learn from 2018, you can remember moments from 2018, but you can't change anything. Remember the things you did wrong? Fix them in 2019. Remember the moments that made you truly happy? Replicate them in 2019. Remember the things you did well in 2018? Improve upon them even more in 2019. New Years Day is possibly my favorite holiday. It's newness. It's freshness. It's possibilities. It's progress. The entire world has gone around the Sun! That is insane. You have a renewed vigor that could easily fade by February. Don't let it. Hold onto this vigor as long as you can. Remind yourself that you've been given another year grow, to improve, to love, to change, to help, to create. Think about those who died in 2018. They don't have this rare chance that you've been given. Why waste this year on negativity, or hatred? Why argue and fight and confuse and mentally torture yourself and others? The truth is that we will make mistakes in 2019. We will get sad, we will get angry, we will have moments of doubt and pain and regret.

 We will do things that hurts us in the short term and we can't help it because we are human. What we CAN do is learn and grow and each time we fall down, we can stand up again. Each time someone tries to take us down, we can disappoint them. We can make 2019 the best year of our lives no matter our age or our condition. Stay driven, stay positive, and stay GOOD. The world needs more of these things.

Do good in 2019. I know I will.